Expressing myself without "losing it"

There were times in the past that when I was having a discussion, whether it was regarding politics, religion or even sports, I'd get emotional if I felt the other person(s) were so contrary to my feelings. This didn't happen very often, but when it did I felt like you know what!

I've now given myself time, thought and effort to handling these situations better on my part. This occurred on two separate occasions recently. In both instances, the other
participants" had strong opinions regarding the topics we were discussing. In one, about college sports, this particular individual felt that one school had better student/athletes than their opponents, because he assumed his team had better grades and didn't get into any altercations while the student/athletes from the other school probably did. My response to him was that that's labeling a group of people without any proof and that in this country our belief that one is innocent till proven guilty. Especially, since there wasn't any indication of any wrong doing.

Whew!

What I'm about to tell you is personal. Some might call it superstitious. Others may call it being obsessive compulsive. I guess it depends on how you look at it. Anyway, I was watching a college basketball game and the team I was pulling for was behind. I reached for my cellphone to call a friend when I heard an inner voice say, if you use the phone now your team will lose. So, I placed the phone down and waited till the end of the game (thinking that by doing this the team I was pulling for would win). The result: not only did I not use the cellphone, but the team I was pulling for lost.

I considered this a relief, because it made me realize that I have no power over whether they won or lost. I learned I had no control over most outcomes outside of myself. It's not my life, but the lives of others who will determine their own outcome. It was an incredible relief.

Sometimes letting go is breaking some shells

My mom had an irreversible dementia. She lived in a nursing home for ten years. I was an only child so the responsibility of making sure that she was taken care of properly laid with me. During that decade I saw my mom slip into another state of being. There were, obviously, numerous life experiences. Some quite sad and others humorous in a sad sort of way. I saw my daughter, about five at the time, wipe my moms face after eating. It was a spontaneous act. No fear of being near an ill person (no shells got in her way!). The human condition is an amazing thing.

One of these experiences was the inevitable and you're never really prepared for it. One day I received a phone call from the nursing home. I was told that she was being taken to a hospital emergency room. When I got their, an emergency room physician informed me that my mom had had a heart attack. She was moved to a hospital room. I met with two other doctors who discussed with me the available options for treating my mom. Heart surgery was one of them and they didn't know what the outcome would be. However, surgery or no surgery, they didn't think she would make it to the next day. It was my responsibility to make the decision of what to do. I didn't want my mom to suffer any longer. So there would not be any surgery. The doctors thought that I made the best choice for the situation.

Though she never regained consciousness, not only did she make to the next day, she was with us for 11 more days. She slept most of the time. She passed away on the 12th quietly and peacefully.

I let go of my mom by opting not to have a surgery the doctors didn't know whether it would save her. I broke some shells.